


Lonely.

by Wanhedawarrior



Category: Lucifer (Comic), Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Crying, Gen, Other, POV Mazikeen (Lucifer TV), References to Depression, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28184556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wanhedawarrior/pseuds/Wanhedawarrior
Summary: Mazikeen smith, the emotionless demon bounty hunter, known for being cold and unlovable.what happens when she slowly begins to fade away, slowly pulling herself away from her "friends" as she realizes they only want her when its convenient for them, they use her and throw her away like she's nothing.Mazikeen starts to deteriorate, mentally and Physically. Will anybody notice that she's struggling or will it all be too little too late?
Relationships: Amenadiel & Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Amenadiel/Mazikeen (Lucifer TV), Chloe Decker & Mazikeen, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker/Mazikeen/Lucifer Morningstar, Mazikeen & Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Lonely.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like Mazikeen is such an overlooked character on Lucifer. Shes always seen as one of the bad guys, just because shes a demon when in reality she isnt bad, shes hurt. And shes always getting left behind

Maze sat at the bar in LUX, swirling the vodka around in her glass, she leant her left arm on the counter and leant her face against her hand. She looked over at the lift, she had been waiting for Lucifer to return for their usual Wednesday night drinks for almost two hours now. She didn't quite know why she was still waiting for him; she knew deep down that he wasn't coming, the old Mazikeen would have left ages ago, yet here she was, waiting for Lucifer like some idiot. She didn't know when she started to feel like this, she wasn't even sure what she was feeling but it hurt, she was so used to being an emotionless demon without a care in the world but slowly since she had been on earth, she began to feel different, she started to feel happy, but she also started to feel different emotions as well like right now she felt sad, well she thinks she feels sad, the emotion thing was still new to her so she wasn't sure if she was sad or whether she was feeling something entirely different. Her eyes wonder over to the clock once more, sighing to herself. She took the last swig of her drink and swirled the ice around in her glass before placing it down gently on top of the marble counter, she pushed herself off of the stool and brushed her brown hair behind her shoulders as her feet hit the floor with a light thud. A small pain loomed around her heart, she swallowed blankly and made her way over to the lift, the doors opened automatically and she walked inside, pressing on one of the buttons. The doors closed and she swallowed again, a lump forming at the back of her throat.

The doors swung open and she coughed trying to clear her throat of the lump that was now prominent, her heels clicked against the floor as she walked out of LUX into the cold night time air, she pulled her leather jacket closed and hugged her arms around her chest. Her brows furrowed and she began to walk down the busy Los Angeles streets, moving her body around as people pushed past her as if she was invisible, if she thought about it that is how she felt right now. Like she was completely and utterly invisible, nobody seemed to notice her anymore, Linda was busy with Lucifer and other clients so she had no time for her, Chloe spent her time with, well lucifer and she was busy with her job. And lucifer was spending time with Chloe which left her alone most of the time. The only company Maze had these days was Trixie, Chloe's eight-year-old child, but the more she thought about it the more she realized how much of a bad influence she was on Trixie. How could a demon be friends with such a kind hearted little girl? It just shouldn't be. But Trixie was the only one who didn't seem to judge her for who she was, she could be anyone in front of Trixie and still the little girl would love her just the same. Maze carried on walking through the streets until she reached the familiar four walled home that she had moved into recently.

Maze unlocked the door quietly, not wanting to wake anybody up as it was quite late and knowing the detective and her daughter, both of them would be asleep already. She placed her keys down on the counter and looked down at a small piece of paper that laid next to the fruit bowl, her eyes scanned the paper, her heart dropped and she picked the paper up; tearing it in pieces before throwing the remains into the trash can. She inhaled a shaky breath and walked to her bedroom, grabbing a bottle of vodka on the way, her door slammed shut and she sank against it, falling down onto the floor sadly. Her emotions seemed to overwhelm her quickly, her breathing increased and her eyes filled with tears before she could stop them, she gripped onto her knees as a loud sob erupted from her body, tears followed and she began to cry uncontrollably against the door. She didn't know why it bothered her so much, it's not like she should care that lucifer ditched her for Chloe. It shouldn't bother her that her best friend forgot about her for another woman on their special night. But it did, it did bother her. More than it should, she same feeling from before wrapped around her and seeped into her bones. Another sob came from her mouth as she realized what the hidden feeling was that she felt. It was loneliness, fuck. She felt so god damn lonely, like she wasn't important to anyone, it was like her friends no longer cared about her. The more she thought about it the more she realized how alone she had been over the past few weeks. Nobody seemed to notice that she had gone away to catch a bounty last week and she was gone for over two days.

Slowly her tears began to slow down yet her body still trembled, she inhaled a breath and twisted the cap off of the vodka bottle, lifting it up to her lips, she took a large swig and groaned as it burnt the back of her throat soothingly. Her breath hitched and she hesitantly stood up and walked over to her bed, she felt so weak. So, unloved. She climbed into her bed and huffed as her back hit the soft mattress, she moved the covers over her and took another few gulps from the bottle before putting it down on her bedside table. Maze never knew loneliness felt like this, but never in her life had she had the chance to feel lonely, she had always had her friends by her side, in hell she was always too busy to feel anything at all, and when her and Lucifer first came to earth, they always had each other, but now she had no one. She had been alone plenty of times in her life, like the times when lucifer would go off and leave her alone for a day or two or when her mother abandoned her in hell, she was alone then but she wasn't lonely, she sank lower into her comforter, the blankets soothing her a little. She didn't know that loneliness could cause physical pain either, but here she was. Clutching onto her chest as she felt like somebody was slowly ripping her heart out of her chest and she couldn't do anything about it.

Maze kicked off her heels and threw them off the bed, she turned around and wrapped herself into the blankets more, being far too exhausted to even bother getting changed. Her phone pinged beside her, she picked it up and rolled her eyes at the notification, it was from Chloe explaining that she wasn't coming home until tomorrow because she was 'caught up'. She scoffed and threw her phone over onto the bottom of her bed, not bothering to charge it as she didn't want anybody else to disturb her tonight. Luckily for maze she had another job to do in a few hours, she had to go down to the police station and observe some interview with one of the bounty's she had caught, she closed her eyes tightly and exhaled a small breath, she curled her legs up to her chest and slowly exhaustion over powered her body, causing her to fall into a light sleep as subconsciously she knew she had to be up in a few hours as dan wanted her at the precinct for six in the morning

A few hours the sound of the front door opening caused Maze to awaken from her sleep with a sudden jolt, she sat up against her headboard and stretched her arms upwards, groaning as her muscles unknotted uncomfortably. She pushed her legs over the edge of the bed and stood up, she pulled a towel off of her radiator and headed into the bathroom with a fresh pair of clothes in her other hand. She turned the tap on and filled the sink with hot soapy water, carefully she stripped her clothes off of her body, hissing as the fabric came away from the fresh bruises she had gotten recently. Once she had stripped all her clothes off, she took a wash cloth and saturated it with the warm water before rubbing it over her skin softly, washing off any dirt from the day prior. When she had finished washing herself, she pulled on a black short skirt, fishnets, high heeled black thigh high boots and a black crop top that hugged her curves. She brushed her teeth, braided her hair to keep it out of her face, she then applied a dark winged eyeliner followed by some mascara and pitch-black lipstick and then exited the bathroom. A sigh escaping her lips as she packed her bag for the day, shoving some more makeup and her knives into it, she zipped it up and walked out of her bedroom. Rolling her eyes as Chloe stood in the kitchen with a smile on her face, clearly, she was thinking about what her and Lucifer got up to last night. Not that Maze actually cared.

She walked over to the island in the kitchen and filled her thermos with some coffee, not bothering to look up at Chloe as the detective began to talk to her. "are you okay Maze?" Chloe questioned as she continued to flick through her phone, Maze held in a scoff and simply nodded her head, not having the energy to explain to Chloe that she was upset because she felt like nobody cared about her or took any notice of her. She took a sip of her coffee and swung her bag over her shoulder. "fine, I'm late for work" she muttered and turned away, she quickly walked out the door and rushed down the driveway to her bike, she climbed onto the seat and twisted the key into the ignition, pulling out of the driveway in a matter of seconds and heading to the police station leaving a very confused Chloe decker behind at home. Maze pulled into the car park of the police station, she parked her bike and climbed off effortlessly, smirking to herself as she walked into the office, holding in a gag instantly as the smell of human sweat and desperation filled her sensitive nostrils.

Mazikeen made her way over to dan with the her well known frown plastered on her lips, she tapped him on the shoulder harshly and bit down on her bottom lip to prevent herself from laughing as Dan turned around with a pained expression on his face. "Do. Not. Poke. Me. And follow me" he ordered, she nodded her head and followed him into the interview room silently, granted she didn't exactly like Dan but she didn't exactly hate him either, she didn't really have an opinion on him. He was a little annoying but he was also sort of kind? Either way she could put up with him, he's the only non-nosey human that tolerates her. The interview went by pretty slowly, all it involved was Dan asking the perp a lot of questions to do with the crimes which he committed, he also made it clear that nobody would be able to pay for the perps bail as the judge made sure it was too high for anybody to simply get their hands on that amount of money. While Dan interviewed the perp, she just stayed in the corner of the room taking notes for him, her expression was blank and it was clear that Dan noticed something wasn't quite right with her as she kept catching him looking over at her. She sighed and walked out of the room once the interview was done, she placed the notebook on Dan's desk and looked up at him as he approached her. "it was peaceful without your sarcastic remarks I usually get, you oka-" she nodded her head instantly and began to walk away, she didn't have the strength to lie to another person today and claim she was fine when she really wasn't. "I've got to get going" she muttered and walked out of Police station as quick as she could. She decided to leave her bike in the parking lot as it would look like she was still inside working if Lucifer or Chloe went by the station at any point.

Maze walked through the parking lot and down a small ditch which led to the forest, she went here quite a lot, nobody knew she came into the forest but it was the one spot that made her feel normal, she could let go and be herself in the forest and nobody could judge her or make her push her emotions down because she was supposed to be a "loveless demon". Well Lucifer wasn't really wrong when he said that, she was loveless, nobody truly loved her. They only acted like it when they needed her to do something for them because they couldn't do it themselves, Chloe needed an emotionless person to be a bounty hunter for the precinct and Lucifer needed a soulless demon to be his slave. She sat down on a fallen tree trunk and gazed up at the sky, the once blue sky had become dark grey, filled with stormy rain clouds. The unique smell of rain hung in the air and the wind blew leaves through the forest. She shivered a little but relaxed against the tree, she enjoyed the rain it made her feel safe, soon enough it began to rain, it wasn't heavy but it was enough that her clothes began to get saturated, she didn't mind though. Instead she pulled out her iPod and plugged her head phones in, she placed them into her ears and clicked play on a random song that she had downloaded onto it 'Hopeless by Clinton Kane'. The soft melody began to play and she tapped her fingers against her thighs, her eyes filled with tears and a mixture of rain and her salty tears ran down her cheeks as she listened to the lyrics.

Maze began to dig her nails into her thighs at a desperate attempt to ground herself and stop herself from crying, but no matter how hard she dug her nails it had no effect, she was still crying; uncontrollably this time. She groaned and moved her hands away from her legs and swiped the freshly drawn blood off of her skin, she wiped the falling tears off of her cheeks and brushed her wet hair out of her face. By this point she was completely soaked but she didn't have the energy to care, her phone was dead and still at Chloe's house so it's not like she could ring someone to come and pick her up. Her mind wondered and she found herself holding back a hurt laugh as she truly thought about her situation, it was ironic that the demon of hell that everyone thought was stone cold and didn't have feelings or a heart was the one that was now crying in the forest by herself because she felt abandoned by her friends. However, she knew she had to get back, it had to be around three in the afternoon now which was when Dan was picking up Trixie from school which also meant it was Time for Chloe to meet the doctor that worked at the psych ward Lucifer was at. And Maze really wanted to see frigid Chloe try and talk to this crazy man. So, she wiped her cheeks once more and started to walk back to the precinct to collect her bike and drive home, the walk wasn't long back to the precinct but it did take longer than before because the ditch was now completely filled with water so that meant she had to walk around it because it was too deep to walk through, and she couldn't exactly jump in these heels.

She climbed onto her bike and sped out of the parking lot, just missing a lecture with Dan as he was just coming out of the Police station as she was pulling out of the parking lot, and she knew that he would yell at her for disappearing earlier, she sped down the road and back to Chloe's house as quick as she could, she was pretty sure she went over all the speed limits but watching Chloe make a fool out of herself was worth the speeding tickets she might get. She carefully pulled into the drive way and clambered off of the bike. Maze pushed the door open quietly and looked over at the couch, rolling her eyes as she saw Chloe was sat there with a look on her face that she couldn't quite understand. She pulled her boots off and walked into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She quickly got changed into a pair of black ripped jeans with a simple black off the shoulder shirt. She also quickly touched up her makeup as the rain had smudged her eyeliner, she then re braided her hair and sighed a little as there was a knock on the front door indicating that Chloe's guests had arrived. "Showtime." she mumbled to herself.

Maze walked out of her bedroom silently and sat down on the love seat that was next to Chloe's chair, she glanced around, looking at the man that sat opposite her. He was sat crossed legged, hugging the cup of coffee which Chloe had obviously made for him. She looked away and started to fiddle with her knife that she had pulled out of her pocket, something she had recently started to do as it helped her when she was feeling nervous, which she was now. The man was staring at her weirdly and he had a strange vibe about him. "where are you from?" the man asked, Maze twisted the knife around her fingers and stared at him blankly, she swirled the knife around once more and lightly pressed it against her leg, not enough for her to hurt herself, just to keep it still. "Hell." she replied bluntly before moving her attention away from him, her eyes rolled automatically as he began to talk about some nonsense, she wasn't really paying attention to, the door knocked again after a while and Amenadiel walked inside as if he owned the place, she gestured over to the kitchen and stood up, excusing herself from the conversation before joining Amenadiel in the kitchen. She smiled a little at him, grateful that he had saved her from the awkward conversation between Chloe and the man. She placed her wine glass on the counter and turned to face him. "i wasn't planning on having sex with you again, but whatever right? At least someone's getting laid" she chuckled jokingly and pointed back over at the duo who were now sat next to each other in the Livingroom. She shrugged her shoulders as Amenadiel claimed he wasn't there for Sex, much to her relief as the last thing she wanted to do at the moment was have sex with an arrogant angel. "okay. Then, what?" she questioned, more intrigued than she was before about the real reason why he was stood in the kitchen. "There's not much time before we're gone" he replied causing her mind to fill with confusion, why come over to just tell her that he's going on vacation?

"What, are you going on a vacation?" Maze quirked, as she leant her arms back against the counter, leaning back against it comfortably, getting a bit annoyed with how secretive Amenadiel was being with this stupid vacation he was obviously too afraid to admit he was going on. "I'm not sure I'd call what Lucifer; Mom and I are doing going on a vacation but..." his voice trailed out and she looked up at him completely confused, her jaw tensed and she tilted her head to the side, silently encouraging him to carry on with what he was saying. She watched as Amenadiel sighed and placed his glass down on the counter, not daring to look at her at the moment. "Lucifer didn't tell you" he stated nervously, clearly regretting what he had just said. Her grip on the counter tightened and she clenched her fists around the counter tensely. "Tell me what?" she retorted, the anxiety bubbling inside her stomach making her feel a little queasy, this was probably why Lucifer was avoiding her. He was hiding something. She pushed away from the counter and took a few steps towards him, a small amount of anger fizzing away in her veins as Amenadiel was staying silent. "I told you to never lie to me again, Amenadiel" she hissed angrily, taking another step forward so she was now face to face with him, giving him no option but to fess up. "Tell me what!" she barked angrier than before, far too tired to be dealing with his bullshit right now. It was like talking to a brick wall, but as he finally spoke up Maze wished instantly that he would have just stayed quiet. "we're all going back to heaven" he replied, nervousness clear in his voice.

Maze took a quick step backwards, her chest ached as her brain finally began to register what he said. She knew straight away that when he said that they were 'all' going back to heaven that he meant him, Lucifer and their mother, she wasn't included. That was clear and there was no greater pain than knowing her family were going to just leave her behind without a second thought. If she didn't feel like she was nothing to them, she certainly did now. She turned away from him as her bottom lip began to tremble, the all too familiar lump began to form in her throat. She took a sip of her wine and turned around, ready to tell him to leave and never come back but she couldn't speak. Instead, she ran. She ran out the back door, ignoring the fact that Amenadiel was shouting at her telling her to stop. She continued to run, she didn't know what she was running from, the only thing she knew was that she physically couldn't stomach being in the same room as him any longer. Mazikeen ran until she found herself in a secluded alleyway, far enough away from Chloe's house that she could finally breathe, her legs gave way and she crumbled on the floor, her fists pounded against the harsh concrete and she let out a heart-breaking scream, she drew in a shuddering breath. Her mouth opened again and closed seconds later like she was being starved of oxygen, dying for a breath she couldn't quite grasp. She drew her right hand over her mouth and sobbed into it, trying to muffle her sobs but it was useless, she was crying that hard she couldn't even see. Her stomach knotted uneasily and she fell backwards, her back hitting the brick wall with a thud. She choked on air and coughed between sobs, unable to control herself; She curled her arms around her legs as she bought them up to her chest, the cold night time air whipped around her, she couldn't stop the tears from falling. She truly was all alone. Everybody was going home without her. 

She held her breath for five seconds and then exhaled letting the air out before repeating the action until she had begun to calm down and the tears had stopped. She stayed curled up though, her body shivered. She cuddled into herself more and glanced around through teary eyes, she really had nowhere to go, she couldn't go back to Chloe's, she couldn't go to LUX because Lucifer was there and he was the last person she wanted to see right now. She shook her head and placed her earphones back into her ears, sighing as she realized the only option she had was to stay in the alleyway until tomorrow. That way she wouldn't have the risk of bumping into anyone, she pressed play on her music and leant her head back against the wall, her eyes closed and her body slowly stopped trembling. She hated this, hated feeling so incredibly weak. She wished she was back in hell, or someplace quieter, far away from everyone and everything. If today taught her anything it was that nobody needed her, they didn't want her either. She was always a second thought. She wasn't her own person; she was just an object people liked to use to make them feel better about themselves. 


End file.
